Girl on Fire
Oct 4th, 2008 by Amy
Her learning curve is just so big.
And I think so is mine.
There have been so many times this past week that I’ve thought to myself, “I only had to tell Reid [insert safety violation/warning/reminder here] once when HE was a toddler. When is SHE going to get it?!” And for whatever reason, this past week has found me reacting poorly, tangled in a knot about what to do next that I feel completely unsure at times.
The other day we were at my friend’s house, bidding her a’dieu on her move, and I really wanted to just talk to my friend and let Ava play. But Ava was a complete and utter nightmare: running all over the place, having mini-tantrums, cornering my friend’s daughter because she was just so keen on hugging and kissing her. It was like a fire was on inside her and I could do only my best to keep it semi-contained.
Ava’s fire is a wonderful thing if you really think about it. Her stubbornness, her glory of life, her attraction to so many people and her unabashed joy in the things so many others find simple. But sometimes, for me, it seems like it’s way over the top. Like if Ava were to slow down every once in awhile (aside from when she’s sleeping) that she could capture more of the essence of life, get along better with her peers and brother and me, for that matter.
But her fire keeps on raging, at a pace that can be difficult at best to keep up with. My inclination is that she should adjust to us, me. But is that the correct assumption? Is it in my right or purview to tone her down to my comfort zone, or is it better that I eat it and step up to the plate and come to her level, embrace her fire and figure it out for me?
And is that dangerous–me conforming to her and not vice-versa? I really don’t know. All I can say for certain is that I feel, strongly, that I am entering new territory here. I’m unsure how to proceed. Do I extinguish her flame in exchange for a more docile, agreeable girl? Or do I embrace her seeming insanity and just roll with it?
4 Responses to “Girl on Fire”
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At best, being a mother is always a challange but some weeks are harder than others. This sounds like a doozy. I know there are lots of things different between a child with Down Syndrome and one without - lots more to deal with - BUT…..
I can’t tell you how many times Ava’s daddy truly challenged my sanity and how many times I asked myself those same questions. Sometimes the battle of wills was very strong and most times I wasn’t really sure who won. I remember telling Sean (after one of our later battles) that if I lived to see him grown up I was going to give myself a medal - ’cause I would deserve it. Imagine my surprise when he presented me a medal at his graduation from college that said “Way to go, Mom”.
That said - I would add this…. It was worth every minute. I am so proud of both my boys and what they have accomplished. I like to think that I had at least a little bit of making them turn out that way.
I see that same pride in your future. You have wonderful children and I know you will see them grow and accomplish great things in their own way. I know right now that medal seems very far away, but I know you will get one some day. Hang in there.
We love you and all you do for our grandchildren.
HI there! I don’t think it’s possible to extinguish. You have to roll with it (or at least strive for “semi-contained”). It’s who she is. But, the trick is rolling with it while maintaining your own sanity, her safety and your whole familys’ overall well being. Good luck with that
She’s growing and changing. Always. These challenges will subside. But you will be due a HUGE medal at graduation
Hey, Aim…I came here to find a picture of Ava and Reid for the First Grade. I read them my story about them — “Ava Who Always Smiled” and frankly, they loved it…which is cool…but I wanted to show them a picture to go with the names…ANYWAY…I read what you wrote, and you know — somewhere down deep in that heart of yours — that you had these same issues with Reid. Sometimes, and I’m guessing here, but maybe sometimes you think too much…that sounds mean, I suppose, but sometimes kids are just stinkers, plain and simple. She is who she is like Joey is who he is and Lauren and Reid and Christopher and Ethan and Luke and everyone else. I had anguish with Joey…and while he did not nor does he have some of the problems that Ava has, he still made me cry myself to sleep at times…”Why can’t he sit still? Why does he throw up all the time? Why can’t he be just like everyone else?” I know that there isn’t a simple fix, but like Diane said, one day you will wake up and your children will be grown…I didn’t get a medal, but I clearly remember Mom telling me in one of “those” moments when I was whining about not getting to leave my house…”It’s not your turn. Didn’t you learn anything in kindergarten? You have to wait your turn. Your turn will come, but you must be patient.” Yuck! I hate that word…
BTW…I never pray for patience…God will indeed answer your prayer with things to be patient about…pray instead for mercy…at least that’s what I do. “Dear God…please forgive me for the sins I am about to commit…” because you will commit them…not because you don’t love or care, BUT BECAUSE YOU DO! If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. But that’s another thing…I think as a stay-at-home mom we are conditioned to think that if our children aren’t angels that somehow it reflects badly on us…never mind that they KNOW they aren’t supposed to climb in the clothes at Farm and Fleet, but do it any way…never mind that you pick them up and put them in the lady’s cart who had the audacity to tell you that you were too harsh when you drug them out for the fifth time, swatted their behind, and told them to sit down or else. But the best part is the look you get when you tell her she’s right…call the police, I’ll wait…oh, dear I’m off on a tangent…
The point is this…you are the perfect mother for her…God knew you could do it, and He knew I couldn’t. when I see you with your children, I am really quite honestly in awe of your persistance and patience. I don’t have it in me…BUT YOU DO! I’ve seen it, I’ve cried because of it — at your stellar ways and my inability to possibly know how on earth you do it all. I wish I knew more other than this…cut yourself some slack…and chalk it up to the “f*&Ked up Fours”! I love you lots! #3
dude, I have a very similar problem with my children. pick one and he has it, similar to the problem Diane had with her son. I really like the fire too and am amazed at how open it is and my goodness, I would never want to squelch it.
Except with the child is acting like an a**. I would love to be that mom with the patience that never ends and has that tolerant smile on her face, like I see on your sometimes. But that person I am not.
I am in unknown territory too and I had this great book about how to talk to children called the STEP book and the maids lost it. And an XBox controller. Thankfully the XBox red-ringed when I was 90% on Star Wars Lego (for the 2nd time). So I guess I’ll never finish that game.
But that’s another story… Anyway… I really wish I could find that book. I mean, to have the answers in my hands and then so cruelly taken from me! Torture. I’m sure it holds all truths, yet my holy grail was just thrown out with the peas.